Here to meet my blogging obligations

Hey,
It's the weekend and so I'm blogging. I'm not that into it, to be honest. But, I very much need constancy and structure and a means of expression other than grunting when I do crunches. LOL.

I've been betrayed and abandoned, actually. My homophobic family are all at a reunion in Missoula, and once again guess who's invitation got lost in the mail? you guessed it. I used to get invited and I was more of an activist back then. My dad said that at the 2003 reunion I kept insisting that my grandma was a closeted lesbian and then I supposely got drunk and called grandma a carpet muncher. You guessed it, since 2003 I've been blacklisted. With e-mail and texting "lost in the mail" is just not realistic.
I lived in the Castro from 2004-2008 and had a large circle of queer friends and the social swing and non stop barebacking served to make me forgot the rejection of my family. But, now in WEHO and all my friends in gay marriages or dead and no family... I'm bumming, that's a fact.

I went to the Abbey on Thursday night and failed to connect to anyone special, but I did enjoy the calamari and penne with vodka sauce. I didn't want the penne to clash --so I had a vodka tonic and it was ok but I was too full to get a buzz.

Still unemployed and I broke down and cried when I saw that IHOP was hiring and I felt as if I should apply.

I'm working on a new cabaret act about the recession and it's FUN but since my other cabaret act in silverlake tanked I've been skittish about following my dreams.

Oh yeah, Went to Marix in WEHO last Tuesday and got an enchilada platter... and diareah. Ha. I'm serious, this is the last time i go there even though the bartender is super hot.

What else? Fern McFern has become intolerable since she gets over 100 hits a day and we now have a strictly business relationship. Tarra is healing up and her doc says she'll be able to blog as early as tomorrow. Yay!

Since tommorow is also the weekend I might share some of my thoughs or report on the blue cheese burger I had at Hamburger Marys. But, please don't expect it as my coping mechanism is pretty much NOT WORKING and pressure of any kind is unwelcome.

Koo Koo Roo on Santa Monica Blvd has inferior Lavash

So it's the weekend and so I'll blog.

Had an uneventful weekend due to I think the jewish holiday and now I'm just watching the Fox channel. My new cable jammed up and got stuck at that godawful channel and there is this anchor named Julie Banderas and she is way too hoochie for anchoring imho. She's talking about a story called "Cougar Cruise" and how a big boat is going to get filled with older ladies and younger men. The ladies aren't bad looking but the men are so gross looking and I felt really good being a nice looking gay male today.

One guy just said, " How much does it cost,this cruise" and when he gets told my fox person sent to the cruise area to do the story, he says, " I'm doing them a favor, they should pay me." and he is fat and ugly and I am all about just feeling lucky that I am not ever going to be on that boat.

See, you can tell... I'm not in the mood to blog. I spent this morning with Fern Mcfern as she felt bad that I got so few hits and she got quite a lot more and she just is too animated for me in the morning. I'm a night person. She told me this story and it was so far out and then I googled stuff and she showed me documents and ohmigod it's all true. I had to stop her from posting all the incriminating stuff she has because I think that in this law stuff I heard you have to keep everything on the down low. She's had enough though and I don't blame her. I won't name names as I don't want hostile spammers but ohmigod... some people.... ohmigod.

Updated my twitter pic and put up some pics of me as a baby and a teen-- that really will give them a sense of me.


I bought a loofah at the body shop and some eye drops today.

Healthcare? too self involved feeling to notice but I still think Obama is awesome no matter what.

bye, see you next week.

Maybe I'll just pop a DVD in and cook up some Bertollii

Hey guys,

I think that I'm just going to blog on weekends from now on. I'm finding the lack of hits hurtful and just please respect my need to just limit blogging to weekends.

Was at the Subways in WEHO's and had a Burritto at Los Hermanos but no money is not letting me report on the restaurants and nightspots, as I'd promised when I started this blog and I apologize. I planned to be a style shaper with this blog and so far I have not acheived this.

I'm going to the Cantina tonight but I'm so not into it. I can only date circumsized guys(sinus related) and Rosh Hashinna, some jewish holiday, is tonight and uncut is going to be the norm. And, the heat. UGH. Uncut and sweaty is not my preference when it comes to any serious partnership and I'm too old to mess around.

What else? Lotz but only on Sat. and Sun.

I think that generation and y and z are the only vital members left

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Just saw Bruno on DVD and I have really mixed feelings. I'm not hearing it out there in the culture- but I felt he really made fun of me and my friends and some of our practices. But, the media sure didn't seem to angry about it so I'll just assume it's ok. But, if feel kind of insulted and want Sasha Baron Cohen to see me as the multifaceted person I am. He's cute.

Listening to Adam Lambert singing " A change is gonna come" and sobbing in that hopeful not so sad way

I think it means something or maybe I'm just one of those things are meaning something moods. I got 12 hits on september 12th. Wierd, no???

Twas a doozy of a weekend and cross fingers you'll be hearing happy blogs from me from now on. I met some awesome people and they seem to offer a lot of fun and perks(one is an AGENT!!)

They didn't tell me cause it's kind of a secret thing we all do but don't really discuss-- Googling. I think they googled me and got my cabaret act cuz they seemed to know that I did cabaret once and I could swear I didn't tell them. Either way, they seemed to treat me with respect and I think this blog is going to be a really important journey in my life's new chapter. saw Fern McFern at the pavillions on Saturday but I made like I didn't and I don't think she saw me. She's all about judicial corruption this gross lesbians that, and I just can't deal. She also boasts about how her blogs gets more than 12 hits a day and that isn't cool.

Gotta run, have fun!

lesbians get fibromyalgia, gays get nostalgia. LOL

JTC(Just to clarify tm fern mcfern) that is the caberet act that I did in NYC . I was real lucky and got mentored by Rick Mckay and got to hang with Elaine Stritch but those days are long past. Boo hoo. I just don't have the stamina or funds to launch a cabaret show with TEETH. That frivolous lad in the last post is long replaced by a positive minded but less naive man who if destiny demands-- will launch a cabaret show by next spring -- one that will capture the essence of L.A as opposed to NYC. Or, if by then I am fortunate to get back to NYC it will be updated to include a modern (2009 or 20010 era NYC).

I've been invited to a mimosa brunch but before that I have to pick up some flyers at my gay church(looooong story)and attend a pre brunch Bloody Mary breakfast. Ahem, extra crunches for sure.

cheers,
Z

From my cabaret act when I was 26 years old-- never was enought to sustain my lifestyle but I had some audiences and clapping and very few boos etc.

The multi genre star.


Hello all and Happy, Happy, holidays to you.

I have struggled so long to get this show through.

It ain’t easy being an improving multi genre performer,
Baby
The club owners say I’ve got to find a niche
I say aint no fame a bitch
That’s a nod to my dear A.J Benza
My dear, Frendza .


Growing up in Flushing, Queens, they said that performers were fruits.

I went, actually I escaped, Arggggg, to the big Apple. (Take out apple from pocket and take a big histrionic bite)
I was going to sink these baby whites (smile) into it, even if it killed me in the process.
And gang, it nearly did. I was hooked on the grand life. I took some improv workshops, some movement classes, the whole shabang
Now I am here and its really swell, gang
Tap class: I was pretty good, fast on these light, Barney loafers. Hey and for those of you from (cough, cough) outta town, that’s the exclusive department store not the big Purple children’s dinosaur or whatever.
I am openly gay, by the way. Did you here that Robbie is here to stay. And baby, baby, Robbie is gaaaaaaaay.
I prayed to Judy, got laid with Billy Stritch,
I shot up heroin, prayed to Jesus, hugged my Teddy uh Bear.
And I am still here.
I ran into Whoopee Goldberg at the Met, Brava, she hates AIDS about as much as I do. She was with Celeste Holm (get on floor and do bowing thing) and her dog, her pet
She sat me down and said: It's a tough business, it’s got a lot of sharks in it.
Which reminded this old geezer of that song from Jaws, tries to provoke a sing a long to the Jaws theme—Da DA DA DA DA. Da Da … which started my long-term love of music. John Williams, a dear friend wh has might have since passed away, composed that song.
He told me
“ Don’t let the big fish, eat ya live,
Give them tuneful music, give them jive, use what you learned in Improv class and you will never take the dive, boy”
He isn’t openly gay, I don’t think.
Anyhow, the long trek outta Queens everyday on the Russian Train, I mean the R train with those who wouldn’t know improv or cabaret if it bit them on their size 18 asses. (Mock shame). Las Isla Manhattan, that’s where it was. Instead of émigrés with snow in their hear and greasy skin and those awful hairstyles, you know what I am talking about, people. C’mon you know you think it too.
There was Rockafella center, darlins. It felt that Santa with his roughed cheeks- regal and formidable manner was my daddy and that the reindeer were scratching at my Upper West Side adresses window -- rooting for me, singin,

Get out from the dung
Singin and wrung out
By the pressures you have brung about
Move to the only city
Life can only be pretty
In New Yawk City
Boy
I wasn’t in touch with my sexuality back then,
But unh, I make it my business to touch it every day
And it’s still here.
The little reindeers helped me come out.
Every one know that the reindeers are family. Have you seen Rudolph’s nose, it is lavender, baby.
I say or sing what I want no.
I am a performer and an improviser
I was just built this way, Hey don’t look at my tummy. I put on a lot of weight since I came out and since my Right wing Brother committed suicide.


(sings song with the Bon Jour twins)

Bon Jour twins, dear friends and brilliant lyricists. Blakely Mcall has a wonderful chapter on them in his new book “ Cystalline: lyricists as our new shamans” This seems real apropos to my coming out


Being fat ain’t all that

If you’re gonna be slim inside a closet
Then you are going to get a hanger in your eye
Ever so often
Better to be gay and fat than lying skinny in a coffin
So move away all you suits and sport jackets
This boy is steppin out, out, out and causin a racket
Ties and hats beware
Because I’m still here.

Well this is an odd story, I had to live in Astoria for awhile and there was a Greek man who made his living selling bread and cheese and whatnot. Hey, a man has got to do what a man has got to do. He sold me a big baguette one-day. It was pretty delicious, I must admit. This boy loves freshly baked bread.
It brought about this song deep down in here.

Why don’t water and bread do it?
Give me Zabars cake
Who woulda new it?
That this boy once so afraid
Would take Manhattan by storm
When he thumbed his finger at the “norm”
The Bronx, Brooklyn never had to greet you,
Queens, so long, was good to meet you
Yeah right.
Give me Gotham
Give me class
Give me the met
Give me the Mets,
Uh, I guess not
Thought that third baseman is pretty hot
Give me the home of Zagat's survey
Uh give me the Deegan expressway
No way, oy vay
Give me Whoooopeeeee
Shine on me Magic City
Shine your Tiffany lights on me
Zillions and zillions of them on this boy.

Thank you for coming. I have to attend a wake in about 45 minutes in Indiana, ugh. My right wing brother committed suicide.

The cabaret scene is lacking in L.A = understatement alert

Fell of the blog wagon. LOL. I'm drunk and blogging again. I just needed a vodka vacation if you know what I mean. At first I tried to just take it easy with buy one get one free margaritas at the cantina but I got so fed up of all the woman out today and just no cute guys and ... now I am probably misspelling a lot and am going to say things I regret.
9/11 just is not a party night and it sucks that it was on friday as I am sure I'm not the only one who really couldn't get into dancing my heart out at the Rage to throbbing beats. I came home and the home shopping network was on and I don't know if it's because I'm hyper perceptive but I don't think those people on that channel are geniune. I was really freaked otu that I hadn't noticed that they all seem kind of totally crazy.

Fern McFern was ok and she does share some of my opinions about the hosting situation regarding Paula Abdul, but all in all she is way too alert or something... just can't chil. She was going off on "motions" and these rants about tons of Judges and these two yucky prosecutors and I just wish she could just be a fun wingperson like Lori was in San Diego(loooooong story) She did like my Lunesta joke and she did come up with "vodka vacation" so she'll be fine for happy hours on most evenings.

I wish I stayed in S.D, but I was sure L.A was my destiny. I haven't really gone into much here but I think I mentioned that I'm an aspiring cabaret artist that works ODD jobs or just boring jobs to survive until my dream is realized. This weekend I'll show you some of my work and in time I just might share a youtube of me performing in NYC at an AIDS walk benefit.

Fern Mcfern told me her 9/11 stories and I was sort of rapt so I'll try to get her to share by tommorow.

See ya.

Randy, simon, ellen = the end of the world's best singing competition.

I've pretty much weaned myself off blogging after what happened... and how awful the delete button malfunction feels. I'm twittering but not to excess and I'm making a little cash helping a co blogger(Tarra Slovan of my toxic lady) out as she recovers from a pretty intense multitasking incident.

I tend towards hyperverbalization so twitter hasn't been enough and I too often exceed the character count. Sigh. So, I'm here but not in any tooooo much capacity. I hope I am being understood and accepted as I write this but if not than i need to be a big boy and take my medicine.

Soooooooo, am I alone in believing that Ellen Degenerous will singlehandely sink the American Idol Empire! She will just be soooo incongrous in every way-- politically, socially, and even color coordination wise. Paula, please reconsider.

I wonder if Ellen will dance. I know that America enjoys it but as a gay man her boxy hips and large yet unfeminine breasts gross me out. Portia's cute though and I'm sure they're happy.

I know I should support a fellow queer's advancements into the mainstream but I just want Paula back so bad, as I fear one of my last remaining pleasures is in danger.

Feels empowering to put my viewpoint out there and hope that America says no To Ellen Degenerous's prime time venture. It's just wrong and wrong is wrong, know what I mean?

don't do too much lat work -- without eating a carb infusion bar immediately afterwards

Oh wow. I finally do beleive that when a tree falls in the forest it doesn't make a sound-- even if it blogs. I have come to digest and accept it over the last week but it still huuuuuuuuurts.

None of my twitter friends and only 2 of my facebook friends inquired as to my condition despite some very revealing posts that are still available and that the system won't allow me to delete despite my pleas.


Again, I need to remember that I can't very well count on anyone. This is causing some issues with my liberal friends. I'm in general pretty far left politically and crave and support diversity but ever since this last week and how cold some of my friends were I kind of don't feel too optimistic about Obama anymore. I just meet a lot of Russians in WEHO and they seem bitter and not in shape and I think communism just kind of Petered out. Was that a pun?

Please don't flame me it's just that I got a computer virus today after dealing with no one caring if I lived or died despite really reaching out(see below) and just knowing that there is us guys who surf the internet and those who spend many waking minutes creating computer viruses.

I mean... like, people just don't get along too great in practice. I'm sorry for being so negative -- I think I sprained my lat at the gym and I've been sore(physically).... and the Lunesta stopped working and .....


Whatever. I wonder if that girl who was held captive for 15 years blogged if anyone would come and help her.


Cute guy at gym gave me his number tho and so we'll see. I understand that he's an entrepeneur and that might be great or ... not. He definately is buff and has really succulent cocoa brown eyes. It sucks that he isn't a U.S citizen(Venezuela, I think) and that he is trying to marry the receptionist at our gym ( an awful woman named Lara) but it's not like I can't just play a little...

I'll keep you posted.